Feb. 13th, 2008 08:47 pm
kittenspeaks: (Harlequin Harlot)
Dear Father McKenzie,

I received my first ever Valentine's flowers today. They are so beautiful. And the note...
It made me cry with the perfect blend of happiness and sentimental longing.
I love them-and you- more than you will ever know.

Thank you.
And please know that I will always come for your sermons.
And I now I could do far worse than dying in your church.

All my love,

Elanor R.


Jan. 20th, 2008 04:30 am
kittenspeaks: (Default)
<tr><td align="right" nowrap="nowrap">Date created:</td><td colspan="2">2000-09-27 12:37:27</td></tr><tr><td align="right" nowrap="nowrap">Date updated:</td><td colspan="2">2008-01-20 08:35:48, 1 hour ago</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">Virtual Gifts
</td><td colspan="2">3 Send kittenspeaks a virtual gift</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" nowrap="nowrap">Journal entries:</td><td colspan="2">2,499</td></tr>

So, here it is now.
Post 2,500.
I lie in my bed with four wonderful kitties and my new good friend- 4:00a.m.
I look at this little milestone and I think about how much I have been through, changed, experienced in these last 2,500 posts.
So much life lived. Loves found and lost. Lights lit, extinguished and lit again.
This has been a very powerful tool for me from time to time.
It has been my companion, my friend, my therapy, my entertainment, my connection.
I have found so many wonderful people through this. People that are important to my life, mind and heart that would never be here if it weren't for this silly little journal.
What started as a joke and a dare has become a very important piece of how I navigate life.

2,500 posts.
This, of course, doesn't count posts in communities and things I deleted.
Just things here.

My health has taken turns which force me to be more of a homebody than I am normally.
The internet and this journal have become even more important to my well-being and contact with the outside world.

But none of it would mean anything if it weren't for my readers.
So, in a rare act I make this a public post.
I want to hank you all for being here.
I want to thank you for the time with your eyeballs and your minds.
I want to thank you for your input and thoughts.
I want to thank you for your advice, jokes, sympathy, empathy, memes, polls, quizzes, virtual hugs, kicks in the ass and so so much more.
Thank you for being here with me.
Lying in this bed with my four wonderful kitties and my new good friend 4:00 a.m.
kittenspeaks: (Stain Boy)
For some reason my life has become inundated with people who don't seem to understand the relationship they are in.
Either their partner isn't being forward with them about how things stand.
Or they are being forward and the other partner just isn't paying attention.

Talk to your partner.
Are you in something with the hope of a happily ever after? Are you the right person? Or the right no person.

Here are some tips-
If they don't tell you they love you- They Don't.
If they tell you they aren't in the right place in their life for anything serious- more than likely they aren't.
Ask them outright if you are a fuck, a fling or a forever.
And don't mistake the three.
Fuck is night by night.
Fling means they can be rather dedicated but they aren't fully committed. You have an expiration date.
Forever- well, that one is self explanatory.

So, to those of you out there who are dating someone who doesn't admit they are dating someone...
Those of you who are dating someone who tells their friends that they aren't in it for the long haul...
Those of you who are very specifically NOT being told "I love you"
Those of you who are being told by your boy/girlfriend that they aren't ready for something serious...
Don't be daft.
Don't set yourself up to be hurt.
Don't assume that they just aren't saying things.
Don't figure that you will change them or wear them down with time.

Be happy with what you have or walk away from it to look for what you really want.
But stop deluding yourself.

kittenspeaks: (fire)
Today I want to say happy birthday to two very important and influential men in my life. Hampton and Scott .(geez...what's with me and the Pisces men?)

To both of you...thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you. Thank you for letting us get past the bad times and remember the good. Thank you for letting us build a friendship to make new good as well as building a love in that friendship. One that is perhaps even stronger for the bad times we had.You are very important to me and I am glad we have weathered the storms..even if we created them ourselves. You showed me love,friendship, passion, creativity, dreams and stories that have helped to make me a stronger and more confident woman.

I have had the love of many men in many forms. From you- I feel I have had the love of some of the best men...and in the friendship we have now I still do.

I love you.
I hope you have a brilliant year filled with happiness, love, success and passion.
Know that you will always have a piece of my heart.
And know that I am always here and your friend.
kittenspeaks: (Default)
Ok, I need to talk a little bit about Valentine's Day..
"But Kitten, despite being romantic at heart you hate the commercialism of it all...and aren't you alone?"

Well, yes...and no. It is complicated in a way and dreadfully simple in others. But this isn't about me yet. It is about others...and their effect on me.
See, I have had some shitty relationship. Really shitty. But love hurts...right? It would be easy for me to look at my track record of romantic debacles and become a godless nun. Fortunately I am surrounded by some really amazing couples who constantly take my breath away. They have love for each other that is so strong that it stretched vines out to those around them so they can see love flourish in their lives as well. I want to take a moment to call some of them out and thank them for being in my life. I want to thank them for sharing their love and their lives with me.
[ profile] lepapillonvert and [ profile] la_muse_verte
[ profile] fierce_rabbit and [ profile] galbinus_caeli
[ profile] karmalingoist3 and [ profile] rudebone001
[ profile] victoria_lane and [ profile] wolverine
[ profile] pitbullpotpie and mr.[ profile] pitbullpotpie
[ profile] cherrybomb70 and mr.[ profile] cherrybomb70
[ profile] ashesngolddust and [ profile] packgrog

There are more wonderful and loving couples in my life. This list isn't to discount any of them. These are just the ones that have had the most impact on me.

And beyond that I want to thank [ profile] baldsug, [Bad username or site: @] and [ profile] rubberdux. All of you have shown me more love and support over the years. You have made me keep my head up through so many horrible times. And most of all, you reminded me that my love is important. That is is something to value. And that even if it has ended badly with some that it is something that was never wasted. I am coming more and more to accept that it is ok if "love" ends. Maybe it is meant to do so. And I have known some really great loves. I can look at them all now and be happy for what we did have instead of thinking only of the bad things or regretting what we no longer have. And yes- I did say ALL of them. (Distance gives perspective after all.) And I thank all of them (Dexie, John, Kirsten, Paul, Ty, Scott, Meg, Berny, and Hampton) for being a part of my life then and a part of my heart still.

The greeting card holiday has really gotten me thinking about all of it. All of you...all of them. And letting myself be happy.
I have loved.
I have been loved.
And that is a good good thing.
Sure, sometimes I get lonely. I wish for someone next to me in life. Someone who calls me theirs and wants to be called mine. But I also know that I am so very lucky. I am surrounded by love. The love of others, the love of friends.
And my love has inspired long lasting beauty. I have inspired poems and stories and music and plays and photographs and paintings....I am a muse. My love has made such an impact on people that they needed to create things that will live long beyond our love and our lives.
That is pretty incredible to think about.

Anyway- So here is my Valentine's Day wish for all of you...
Find the love.
The love of your art..your friends...your families...your work...your lives...
This can be an ugly ugly world. It is easy to lose sight of the little things. And it is the little things that matter. So, you might not have a "sweetheart" on this holiday marker.
But you are loved.
And you do love others.
Celebrate it.


kittenspeaks: (Default)

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