kittenspeaks: (Default)
I am on the pendulum of lots to say/ nothing to say. Both sides weighted with too tired to write.
But, I am here now. For real-sies.
LJ is still there but I am not going to post there any more.
And I am going to get better about logging in here to read you all.

Soon I will write.

And it will likely be hilarious in that heart-breaking kind of way that life is.

Love you all.


Feb. 7th, 2008 07:12 pm
kittenspeaks: (zombie prostitute)
"A Rat Year is a time of hard work, activity, and renewal. This is a good year to begin a new job, get married, launch a product or make a fresh start. Ventures begun now may not yield fast returns, but opportunities will come for people who are well prepared and resourceful. The best way for you to succeed is to be patient, let things develop slowly, and make the most of every opening you can find."

It seems the Year of the Rat is off to a wonderful start.
In case you hadn't heard, The Writer's Strike is OVER!!!

May such wonderful news and progress be repeated many many time throughout the year and beyond.
That is my wish for myself and everyone.



Jan. 20th, 2008 04:30 am
kittenspeaks: (Default)
<tr><td align="right" nowrap="nowrap">Date created:</td><td colspan="2">2000-09-27 12:37:27</td></tr><tr><td align="right" nowrap="nowrap">Date updated:</td><td colspan="2">2008-01-20 08:35:48, 1 hour ago</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">Virtual Gifts
</td><td colspan="2">3 Send kittenspeaks a virtual gift</td></tr> <tr><td align="right" nowrap="nowrap">Journal entries:</td><td colspan="2">2,499</td></tr>

So, here it is now.
Post 2,500.
I lie in my bed with four wonderful kitties and my new good friend- 4:00a.m.
I look at this little milestone and I think about how much I have been through, changed, experienced in these last 2,500 posts.
So much life lived. Loves found and lost. Lights lit, extinguished and lit again.
This has been a very powerful tool for me from time to time.
It has been my companion, my friend, my therapy, my entertainment, my connection.
I have found so many wonderful people through this. People that are important to my life, mind and heart that would never be here if it weren't for this silly little journal.
What started as a joke and a dare has become a very important piece of how I navigate life.

2,500 posts.
This, of course, doesn't count posts in communities and things I deleted.
Just things here.

My health has taken turns which force me to be more of a homebody than I am normally.
The internet and this journal have become even more important to my well-being and contact with the outside world.

But none of it would mean anything if it weren't for my readers.
So, in a rare act I make this a public post.
I want to hank you all for being here.
I want to thank you for the time with your eyeballs and your minds.
I want to thank you for your input and thoughts.
I want to thank you for your advice, jokes, sympathy, empathy, memes, polls, quizzes, virtual hugs, kicks in the ass and so so much more.
Thank you for being here with me.
Lying in this bed with my four wonderful kitties and my new good friend 4:00 a.m.
kittenspeaks: (Stain Boy)
For some reason my life has become inundated with people who don't seem to understand the relationship they are in.
Either their partner isn't being forward with them about how things stand.
Or they are being forward and the other partner just isn't paying attention.

Talk to your partner.
Are you in something with the hope of a happily ever after? Are you the right person? Or the right no person.

Here are some tips-
If they don't tell you they love you- They Don't.
If they tell you they aren't in the right place in their life for anything serious- more than likely they aren't.
Ask them outright if you are a fuck, a fling or a forever.
And don't mistake the three.
Fuck is night by night.
Fling means they can be rather dedicated but they aren't fully committed. You have an expiration date.
Forever- well, that one is self explanatory.

So, to those of you out there who are dating someone who doesn't admit they are dating someone...
Those of you who are dating someone who tells their friends that they aren't in it for the long haul...
Those of you who are very specifically NOT being told "I love you"
Those of you who are being told by your boy/girlfriend that they aren't ready for something serious...
Don't be daft.
Don't set yourself up to be hurt.
Don't assume that they just aren't saying things.
Don't figure that you will change them or wear them down with time.

Be happy with what you have or walk away from it to look for what you really want.
But stop deluding yourself.

kittenspeaks: (Needles Eyes)
I need to be asleep. I have to be up for work in less than 6 hours. My frustration in this has motivated me to make a post about things that irritate me...often for no good reason. All of these things have popped up for one reason or another over the past couple of weeks so I need to let off some of the pressure.

People who say their cat is "making biscuits". The word is "kneading" you nimrods. Unless the cat is busting out the flour and rolling pin it is not making biscuits. If it is breaking out the flour then it is enough of a marvel to make you a millionaire so you can go back to school and learn the definition of simple words.

People who turn left from the right hand lane. Do I really need to go into that one?

People who refer to the 28 day/weeks/ months Later movies as "zombie movies". They aren't fucking zombies! They are victims of germ warfare/ plague. They aren't the risen dead. They follow none of the "zombie rules". I think the next person who calls them "Zombie Movies" in my presence will get kicked in the shins.

People who give false hope in relationships. That's just cold. I have been personally burned by this in the past and I think it is just cold and dirty. Just be honest about who you are and why you are there. If they aren't listening then know you have to do things to make yourself clear...sometimes in action. It isn't always easy but it is right. (Hugs to B.)

People who take in pets they can't take are of. Seriously...that's fucked.

People who take your stuff out of the dryer when there are plenty of open ones. C'mon...that's just low.

Guys who want to show me their penis. I've seen a penis. I have never really been impressed. If I want to see your penis I'll let you know. So please, in emails, comments, or in person if you will kindly refrain from whipping it out I would appreciate it. It will only end in tears...for you...if you can't suppress that urge.

People who manipulate their way INTO a relationship. Or just don't listen. Seriously, if they tell you they don't want anything serious it is a wrong wrong thing to passively bully them into it. And if they haven't told you they love you after several months...PAY ATTENTION! Again, something I have been beaten up by. It isn't pretty or fun. Don't be that asshole.

People who call anything that happens to have criss-cross lacing a corset. These puny lace things you so often see are no more a corset than my sneakers. Busque, merry-widow, teddy, camisole, bustier, teddiette...there are tons of options. Know what it is.

People without passion. Are they just dead inside? They suck the life out of others.

Insomnia. It is a pain in the ass.

Professionals who don't return calls. It's your bleedin' job. It isn't for fun. It isn't social. It is business. Do your damn job.

The health care system in the United States. I am under-employed and uninsured and I need medical care. Too bad for me. *growls*

My local post office. Seriously, if they don't track down the necklace that [ profile] lorigami made and [ profile] karis_straif was wonderful enough to buy for me for my birthday...there will be hell to pay. Deep deep hell to pay. (And then I will get a PO box somewhere else or ask a friend if I can use their mailing address for anything other than my bills.)

I suppose that is enough for now. Next bout of insomnia I'll post a list of things that make me giddy.

This post does not mean I am unhappy. In fact, things are still going pretty good in my life. Training stuff is good. Friends are good. Pets are good. Money will pan out eventually. Still on a high after the ATL trip. AND (hey [ profile] karis_straif I need your mailing addy) MY TRANSFORMUS INVITES CAME IN THE MAIL!!! There is still a ton I need to do to get my life back on track but the inertia is there.
More importantly, I like me. And it has been a while since I really felt that way. I just need to keep kicking my own ass to keep it that way.

Sleep Well LJ land...hopefully I'll do the same soon.

Jin Wicked

Jun. 28th, 2006 10:30 am
kittenspeaks: (sweetie kitty)
Special thanks to Skip for the link for Crap I drew on my Lunchbreak".
Now I know that someone else out there lives me life. OK, so I was too skinny and then too fact, and I am still waiting on my "and then" panel. But here is the brilliance of Jin Wicked.

(oh yeah, the icon is her's too. I want to own a print of it. I love the winged kitty in the top hat and slave collar. If you can't read it the kitty is all happy saying "He Called me Sweetie". If that isn't another thing that epitomizes me....
She even knows about weebl and bob
kittenspeaks: (jump)
In attempt to come closer to finding my inner peace I know I shall continue to grow and evolve and spin like a gyroscope until there is balance or dormancy. I know that the universe shall have its own rhythm and I must focus until I can sense the patterns and flow with them. But, there are also times when one must paddle against the current or hey will capsize and get bashed on the rocks.

I have not spent enough time paddling.

Before I can fight the pulses of the universe I must fight the ones in myself. I plan to start with little things.
1) I will not drunken dial. This causes me so much grief. Honestly folks, if we are out and I have more than 3 or 4 drinks take my phone away. I am safer behind the wheel than I am on the phone if I am buzzed.

2) I will not post in anger. This hasn't really done as much damage but nights like tonight could have done damage if I had gone with my first writing instincts.

3) I will accept that I am a romantic. This is bigger than it sounds. I have hurt myself by thinking that I could rely on my coldness and bitterness to prevent me from doing foolish things. The truth is that I want so much to believe in the power of love as a cure all that I cave to my heart's desires when I should be standing strong with my head's reservations.

4) I will embrace the [ profile] baldsug approach of life and love. I have amazing friends. I have people in my life that amaze and awe me. Why should the demands on people I love romantically be lower? If someone does not awe and impress me why should they get to have my heart? If you can not get the same heart warmed tears and giddy laughter and child like sense of adventure that have been given to be and drawn from me by people like [ profile] baldsug, [ profile] rubberdux, [ profile] rotzo_the_clown, [ profile] hissykitties and other then you have no place in my bed.

5) I will not sell my soul to lost saints, fallen angels, sympathetic demons, and lonely poets anymore.

I am sure there are more things. Lots of little hurdles in my head and my heart to overcome before I find that center. But, I will find it. I am surrounded by love and beauty. I am also surrounded by pain and ugliness. Both are necessary for the universe to balance. I will not give one more power over me than the other. I will accept the nature of the world, my heart and how they fit together.
I will find peace.

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