Not an excuse...

[kittenspeaks]

If someone could please hand me my soap box...
Thanks
*climbs up*
[RANT]
I made a voice post early Friday morning about the severe uncomfortable weirdness.
It was an isolated incident and I thought about not talking about it.
Then some more stuff happened with other people.
Then I got to thinking about so many things I have decided that I am going to talk about it because it needs to be said.
I WAS DRUNK IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR BAD BEHAVIOR!!!!
See, Thurs night my roomie got really drunk. (To his credit this is something he has not done nearly as often as he was once prone to doing.) I went to the bar to meet him, get out of the house, see a few other people, shake off the bad of the day...that kind of thing. Not long after my arrival my roomie commented that we should "kiss".
I replied that it would be like kissing my brother and laughed it off.
Conversation with the group continued.
My roomie was cuddling and rubbing on me more and more. But hey, I was wearing velvet.
He then started talking about how we should go home and mess around.
*blink*
I didn't reply so he proceeded with talk of how I should let him go down on me, blah blah blah.
Once he was ready to leave I drove him home and he continues this line of conversation. I explained nicely that it would be weird, would make our living situation weird and that I didn't like that kind of thing anyway...a fact of which he was well aware.
I dropped him off at home and went back tot he bar then to breakfast with the bartender.

This conversation was harshly inappropriate.
1) I'm his friend. Not some random whore in a bar.
2) I am not just some random whore who does sexual things with people. I require love.
3) I am his roommate and that kind of thing would make the living situation very weird.
4) It wasn't something offered out of love or compassion. It was offered out of drunken neediness.
5) He has been my friend long enough and knows me well enough to know that kind of thing really really bothers me.

When I asked the roomie on Saturday how much he remembered he claimed little to nothing. I reminded him and he blew it off as the fact that he was drunk and I should know not to think anything of it in that situation.

Um....
Yeah.
Fuck that.

Now then, my roomie is basically a nice guy. We are friends and have been for a few years. He is not a threat or a danger or anything like that. He just has a tendency to get drunk and be something of a sleaze or an asshole.

He is not alone in this.
Lots of people are like that.

While out at Exit for Sat. night Halloween stuff I had so many people who could barely speak make *very* inappropriate remarks and gestures towards me and some of my companions. At times their friends would drunkenly apologize for them with the "sorry, he's drunk" excuse. Typically this apology was followed by their very own inappropriate advance.

I will be the first person to admit that when I get a few drinks in me I'll make out with just about anyone. Hell, I am a mack-whore. Sometimes, in the right group of friends I'll do this sober. I like to kiss people.
I always remember everything I have done. I never kiss anyone who doesn't initiate it. I never kiss anyone who is with someone else unless the someone else has given permission. All in all, it is never something I feel the need to apologize for later.
If I did feel the need to apologize I don't think I would excuse my behavior with "well, I was drunk". More likely it would be, "I am sorry I am an insensitive bitch...there is no excuse."

I pondered the history of this line.
This oh-so-common "well I was drunk" bullshit.
I have decided that it pisses me off.
Hey, if you can't control your behavior THEN YOU SHOULDN'T FUCKING DRINK!!!!
Yeah, you heard me.
Hell, at the very least you should drink in the privacy of your own home so that you don't have to worry about doing things to upset, offend or hurt others.

My drunken make out session were things I was still in control of and aware I was doing. Some of it I might not have done without the lighter inhibitions but I was still aware and in control.
I also don't understand drinking to the point of blacking out. If you are drinking to help you have fun why do you take it to the point where you can't remember the fun you had?

So here it is in a nutshell.
Grow the fuck up people.
Take responsibility for your actions.
Don't apologize with "well I was drunk". Apologize with, "I'm really sorry. I am a shithead and my behavior was inexcusable."
Think about those words and MEAN THEM.
And if you find yourself having to do that more than once a year or so- then maybe you have a serious problem and should seek help.
"I was drunk" will no longer be accepted as an apology/ reason for anything more drastic than sloshing a drunk on me.
[/RANT]

In light of this newly ignited ire against the drunken shitheads of the world I have decided to curb my drinking.
I don't really drink much as it is so this isn't a major challenge. But, I feel I should try to set a better example. If I am going to be critical of drunken behavior I should be able to be one of the ones who's just not drunk.
I am giving myself a general 2 drink maximum should I be having a social drink.
One drink maximum if i am having an "end of the day wind down at home" beverage.
I am going to let myself get drunk from time to time. After all, I do like it. But I will be a "special occasion drunk". The current list is: NYE, St. Patrick's Day (if it is not preceding a work day), my birthday celebration, DragonCon, Carter's Holiday Soiree, Absinthe Lounge (should i ever get to be in the right place at the right time for this glorious event).
That's it. Even if there are times like other birthdays, other parties...what ever...where the company and environment might lend to drunkenness...not gonna do it. Maybe others will see this example as a good one and want to follow it.

Comments

[mornblade.livejournal.com]

Long ago, I was present one night when a friend of my older brother got shitfaced and did something very similar to what your roommate had done. The woman in question flirted a little with him, but brushed off his advances when he got too serious. I was then asked to drive all three of them to drop her off at home and my brother's friend at his home seeing as how I was the only one present who hadn't been drinking. After dropping the nice lady off and moving on to the friend's house, my brother pointed out to him that what he had done was uncalled for and to not even bother with the "I am drunk" speech because he wasn't going to fall for it. To which his friend agreed.

Basically, it comes down to this. What you do while you are drunk may not be how you act when you aren't drunk, but it is still what you would do if you could get away with it. Otherwise, anyone who is using the "I am drunk" excuse is just saying, I've been thinking about this, but haven't done it because I think someone would get pissed off at me is I did, but here I had a ready made excuse (or even, this is what I would be like all the time if my brain didn't stop me).

Either way, people don't like it and think people who act that way are being assholes, and need to stop being assholes, or stop drinking, one or the other.

[kittenspeaks.livejournal.com]

I'm glad your brother said something to his friend. Too many people let these moments go unnoted.
I used to be one of them.
I think I am done with that. My inner nanny/ teacher is about to start a crusade of calling people on their shit in the moment and as embarrassingly as possible

[ashesngolddust.livejournal.com]

Drunk is never an excuse for anything. Especially when others are involved.

[kittenspeaks.livejournal.com]

It just amazes me how many people think that it will just make every thing ok.

[ashesngolddust.livejournal.com]

It doesn't make everything OK. And whomever uses it as an excuse should not drink. If they cannot control themselves they should not do it. Period.

You're welcome sir.

[kittenspeaks.livejournal.com]

This early morning rant brought to you by the letter lexapro, the number insomnia and the friendly folks at acute anxiety.

[drjeep.livejournal.com]

Very VERY well said there Kitten. :)

Bravo.... brav-freaking-O....

:)

HUGE HUGS!!!! (I'm not drunk and I mean it) :)

[baldsug.livejournal.com]

It's not that people use being drunk as an excuse for not controilling their behavior, it's that people choose to not want to control their behavior so they then start drinking os as to provide that excuse if things go wrong later. On halloween this is espacially true cause people are in costume and feel less like themselves.

Christmas it's just part of the holiday with the mistletoe and all.
New Year's it's the midnight kiss is all.
Birthday's well it's my birthday
9 eleven, well if you don't make out with me then the terrorists win.

Alcohol is part of the plan but the plans are made sober and in control.

Having said that, everyone does it and I think the crime is less in the attempt than in ignoring the response and pursuing when it's clear the advance is unwanted.

[kittenspeaks.livejournal.com]

What has been your biggest "drunken asshole" moment? (Because I have never seen it.)

I like the 9/11 thing.
From now on you are the only person I will ever kiss on 9/11. :-)

[baldsug.livejournal.com]

My 30th birthday at (and after) the Martini Lounge. I was shouting 12 down 18 to go (yes, I'd had a dozen Martini's) and was hitting on Nicole Goodrum (now Nicole Blair) and another girl who I'd known for a very long time who never got involved with me because she was Baptist and I was Jewish and she didn't think it could go anywhere serious. We went home together that night and I'm not entirely sure I didn't promise to convert to make that happen. So my asshole moment truly came the next morning.
Of course my biggest asshole moment I was stone cold sober and broke up with a girl on Valentine's Day. Most people don't realize that I am just as capable of being a prick as the next guy. This is why I haven't dated in 9 or 10 years. I have enough problems with my life without going around and fucking with other people's

[kittenspeaks.livejournal.com]

Most people don't realize that I am just as capable of being a prick as the next guy.
Well, actually I do realize the capability.
Here's the difference between you and most other people....you don't don't act on that capability too often. You know the potential and choose *not* to exercise it.
Oh, and the V-Day girl...it may have been harsh in the moment but in the long term it was the non-asshole thing to do.

[poisongirl.livejournal.com]

Um. Wow. S mentioned that to me the other day. I agree. "I was drunk...." has never been and never will be an excuse. There is no excuse for bad behavior. I have done more than my fair share of stupid shit when I was drunk and just as much when sober. I've never used being drunk or anything else as an excuse. Like you, I'll apologize for said behaviors but never offer the fact that I was drunk or whatever as excuse for such. That sort of thinking just pisses me off.

[kittenspeaks.livejournal.com]

Again,I had thought about not talking to the roomie about it.
Then I realized that he would never learn if I didn't say anything.
The whole thing of "well you should know when I'm drunk that you should ignore that"kind of deal- that just pissed me off more and made me decide to rant.
I wanted to scream "just because YOU are drunk then I should ignore your offensive behavior? FUCK THAT SHIT." It was an attempted to make me responsible for his bad behavior. I kinda figured it was a dance you had done with him before so you could particularly appreciate my ire.

*hugs*

[daucus-carota.livejournal.com]

Damn... does that mean I can't hit on you when I get drunk??? *evil grins*
xxx

[kittenspeaks.livejournal.com]

As long as you still hit on me when your sober too then it's ok. ;-)

Using alchohol as an excuse

[jolefay.livejournal.com]

makes ya a poser. Using alcohol to say "I don't remember"-makes you a liar.
These are things people in their 20's do because they are children.
You afre no longer a kitten..you are becoming a cat..A sweet, furry adult cat. :)

Re: Using alchohol as an excuse

[kittenspeaks.livejournal.com]

I have felt this way forever.
I just finally felt the need to rant about it.
But I do think a great part of the need to rant came from the whole thing of being less tolerant of "young and stupid" behavior.

[filmgirl1977.livejournal.com]

My ex (the douchey douchebag) used to get so shitfaced, he wouldn't remember us having sex...and would have to ask me the next day if we'd gotten it on.

If that's not an indication of a problem I don't know what is. And he'd just say "Oh well, I was drunk."

[kittenspeaks.livejournal.com]

Damn. That's harsh.
I did have a guy to that to me once. So, the next time he was that drunk and was initiating sex I made sure that he would remember the next day that there was...well, some kind of physical interaction. *evil smile*

Although in this moment I want to thank you for reminding me of my love of the word "douche-baggery". It is some I used to use frequently to define behavior. It is also great fun in bars to use kind of like shenanagans. Seriously, at some point in time you should point at someone and yell in a regal rennisance type voice, "Douche-baggery! I call Douch-baggery!"

[normalcyispasse.livejournal.com]

Grow the fuck up people.
Take responsibility for your actions.
Don't apologize with "well I was drunk". Apologize with, "I'm really sorry. I am a shithead and my behavior was inexcusable."
Think about those words and MEAN THEM.
And if you find yourself having to do that more than once a year or so- then maybe you have a serious problem and should seek help.
"I was drunk" will no longer be accepted as an apology/ reason for anything more drastic than sloshing a drunk on me.

AMEN to this. I've written almost exactly those same words in my own journal. I love you for this, and for the fact that (at least on this point) our views are pretty much in perfect tandem. :)

If you can't control your behavior when you drink, DON'T FUCKING DRINK SO MUCH.

[kittenspeaks.livejournal.com]

If you can't control your behavior when you drink, DON'T FUCKING DRINK SO MUCH.
Thank you. I don't really think that is to much to ask. A certain measure of responsibility for one's decisions and actions. That is really all I want.

*hugs*
*hugs to the Mrs.*