To my Mother on Mother's Day
May. 12th, 2008 02:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittenspeaksOk, a couple of days ago I made this comment:
I guess my final note of the morning will be to remind you all that Sunday is Mother's Day.
Do something nice for you moms. Even if they are horrid people they did bring you into this world and that should count for something.
I wish I could do something great for my mom. We don't always get along. But the truth of the matter is that she loves me and more often than not she comes through for me when I really need it. And to be fair, most of my good traits (my ambition, my fierceness, my devotion, my creativity) come from her. She did the things that let me be raised as an actress, theater junkie, scream queen, band roadie, emotional care giver and all around creative flake. I should do more for her-and for myself- to thank her for that.
There are allot of you out there who she has done some pretty great things for as well. If you could take the time to thank her- send her a short email or e-card ( you can send stuff to xxxxxxxxxxxxx) or something- it would mean the world. To her and to me. (Took out her email address since this is public.)
This is the time when I make a very uncharacteristic public post to say some very important things to my mom. And I am making them public because I am proud to say them.
Mom,
I love you.
I know I wasn't the easiest kid to raise. Ok, correction- I was a pretty easy kid. It was the mid-late teens and 20's that were our darkest days.
But we made it through.
I also know that I have make a lousy adult. Somehow I haven't gotten the hang of this whole responsibility/ life management thing. I don't really know why that is. You and Dad did a wonderful job at instilling in me a sense of responsibility, honesty, fairness and compassion. I am not sure where I dropped the ball on the matters of finances and commitment but it is just that- something in me. I'll get it. I promise.
What I think is more important is that I am a good person at heart. I am loyal, strong and brave. I am a survivor. All of those things I learned from you. My friends often comment on my devotion to them. That is also something I learned from you. I am surrounded by so many of the most talented and beautiful souls. I like to think that like attracts like. There is beauty and talent in me and that too comes from you.
You have bailed me out of more situations than I care to count. Whether it was money, a roof over my head, food in my mouth or a car under my ass- all things any adult should be able to provide for themselves- you have provided for me when I have failed myself. On top of that you have reminded me that I am durable. You have helped to renew my faith in myself when I have lost sight of it.
And you do all of these things for so many other people as well. Family, co workers, strangers- you give so much all of the time and I admire that so much.
Now, you are facing so much with health issues. (I am often worried that the stress of worrying about me makes it worse.) You are facing it with strength and dignity. When my own health issues start to get the best of me I think of how much more you are dealing with. It reminds me that I come from a line of strong women. You have heavier burdens and you still manage better than I do. It motivates me to be stronger and to do better.
This hasn't been the prettiest letter I have ever written. I think it is hard because there is so much in my heart that I just don't have the language for. The words fail.
But it had to be written. I had to tell you that I love you and admire you. All of the good in me has come from you.
I am getting better at this whole "life" thing. But I never would have made it this far if it weren't for you.
You are beautiful and stronger than anyone I know.
Thank you for helping me through everything. I promise soon that I will be someone who you can be as proud of as I am of you.
I love you Mom.
I guess my final note of the morning will be to remind you all that Sunday is Mother's Day.
Do something nice for you moms. Even if they are horrid people they did bring you into this world and that should count for something.
I wish I could do something great for my mom. We don't always get along. But the truth of the matter is that she loves me and more often than not she comes through for me when I really need it. And to be fair, most of my good traits (my ambition, my fierceness, my devotion, my creativity) come from her. She did the things that let me be raised as an actress, theater junkie, scream queen, band roadie, emotional care giver and all around creative flake. I should do more for her-and for myself- to thank her for that.
There are allot of you out there who she has done some pretty great things for as well. If you could take the time to thank her- send her a short email or e-card ( you can send stuff to xxxxxxxxxxxxx) or something- it would mean the world. To her and to me. (Took out her email address since this is public.)
This is the time when I make a very uncharacteristic public post to say some very important things to my mom. And I am making them public because I am proud to say them.
Mom,
I love you.
I know I wasn't the easiest kid to raise. Ok, correction- I was a pretty easy kid. It was the mid-late teens and 20's that were our darkest days.
But we made it through.
I also know that I have make a lousy adult. Somehow I haven't gotten the hang of this whole responsibility/ life management thing. I don't really know why that is. You and Dad did a wonderful job at instilling in me a sense of responsibility, honesty, fairness and compassion. I am not sure where I dropped the ball on the matters of finances and commitment but it is just that- something in me. I'll get it. I promise.
What I think is more important is that I am a good person at heart. I am loyal, strong and brave. I am a survivor. All of those things I learned from you. My friends often comment on my devotion to them. That is also something I learned from you. I am surrounded by so many of the most talented and beautiful souls. I like to think that like attracts like. There is beauty and talent in me and that too comes from you.
You have bailed me out of more situations than I care to count. Whether it was money, a roof over my head, food in my mouth or a car under my ass- all things any adult should be able to provide for themselves- you have provided for me when I have failed myself. On top of that you have reminded me that I am durable. You have helped to renew my faith in myself when I have lost sight of it.
And you do all of these things for so many other people as well. Family, co workers, strangers- you give so much all of the time and I admire that so much.
Now, you are facing so much with health issues. (I am often worried that the stress of worrying about me makes it worse.) You are facing it with strength and dignity. When my own health issues start to get the best of me I think of how much more you are dealing with. It reminds me that I come from a line of strong women. You have heavier burdens and you still manage better than I do. It motivates me to be stronger and to do better.
This hasn't been the prettiest letter I have ever written. I think it is hard because there is so much in my heart that I just don't have the language for. The words fail.
But it had to be written. I had to tell you that I love you and admire you. All of the good in me has come from you.
I am getting better at this whole "life" thing. But I never would have made it this far if it weren't for you.
You are beautiful and stronger than anyone I know.
Thank you for helping me through everything. I promise soon that I will be someone who you can be as proud of as I am of you.
I love you Mom.
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no subject
Date: 2008-05-12 04:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-12 04:27 pm (UTC)You know you are the only "adoptive mom" I've ever had. My mother always took in lots of others but you are the only one to ever take me in.
It really is a bonus. I get a wonderful second mother as well as a wonderful friend.
LOVE YOU!!!!
no subject
Date: 2008-05-12 04:43 pm (UTC)Just for the record, my kids can testify that I've been a far from perfect mother and we've all had our "ugly" times.
I've also gone through the sorting out and accepting my parents as "complete" people, with lots of warts, but an awfully lot of good as well. It feels really good when you figure that out, doesn't it?
*more hugs*
no subject
Date: 2008-05-19 02:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-19 02:46 am (UTC)And thanks for the note. I get so irritated when people add me and don't mention it....especially since the journal is clearly friends only.
:-)