kittenspeaks: (Torn Apart)
...or Ben and Jerry and the Emotional Breakdown....


I am on an email list for Ben And Jerry's Ice Cream. I am sure that will be of no surprise to anyone. Well, last year in the early spring they sent the email with the release of their new flavors for the season. One of the flavors was Mission to Marzipan. I was so excited. See, my mother's favorite candy was marzipan. So many years as a child there was the trip to the mall in Albany to Swiss Colony to get Mom the box of marzipan candies shaped and colored to look like little fruits. This wasn't the candy but it was a new form of Mom's favorite sweet treat.
I sent up the call for help- People in the Atlanta area- find somewhere that carries Mission to Marzipan, get it and deliver it to my Mom for her birthday.
Several people looked. People looked around Atlanta and suburbs near and far.
No Luck. Mission to Marzipan was no where to be found in the south.
A little more investigation (including an email to Ben and Jerry's) and I discover that this is a limited release. Mission to Marzipan is ALL over the Chicago area but there is not yet a release date in Georgia and there might not be one.

I was disappointed but I knew there were options. I started investigating the methods and cost with which I might send ice cream from Chicago to  Atlanta.

Then...Mom got sick. Really sick. She went into the hospital. My resolve was even stronger that she would have this delectable treat to celebrate her birthday and release from the hospital.

Then there was surgery.
There there was hope.
Then- less than 24 hours later there was the call...
How soon can you get down here?
It was only 4 days after her birthday.

There was a mad dash to get the house in order, make arrangements for my cats, get flights arranged and so much else.
In all of that madness there was a trip to the market.
I purchased a pint of Ben and Jerry's Mission to Marzipan for my Mother (and some Pistachio Pistachio for my Dad).
I knew she wouldn't really be able to eat it, but much like rubbing whiskey on the gums of a dying alcoholic, I wanted her to have that last sensation of something that she loved.

Early morning I was bundled off to the airport with the ice cream wrapped up in bags with frozen gel medi-packs. I made it to the airport and was on my way through security.  They wanted to search my bag.
"You can't take this." Says the surly, mumbling youth with the TSA uniform.
I explain, I reason, I plead.
"Let the girl take her ice KREME." This is from the short, portly woman in the TSA uniform as she has a strange way of putting the emphasis on "cream" as well as saying it with a very hard K sound (hence the spelling and odd capitalization).
There is some banter. I am pleading on the verge of tears, Portly TSA is repeating her mantra of ice KREME, Mumbling Youth TSA won't give.
The pints of Ben and Jerry's are left at the O'hare airport along with a few Irish gypsy curses...

My mother passed away on April 10th- without ever getting to try the Ben and Jerry's Mission to Marzipan.

On April 12th  I was at the Walmart not far from my parents house. I was picking up some cleaning supplies and perusing the food aisle to look for a comfort snack. An awkward, acne-ridden 60-some-odd- year old stock boy was stocking new product in the frozen treats section.
And there it was....
A case of Ben and Jerry's pints of assorted variety.
In the variety- Mission to Marzipan.
I asked how long they had carried it. He told me it had just come in the day before.
I picked up a pint of it.
I walked about 3 steps before I sat...slumped against the large display freezer doors...staring at the Mission in my hands and crying.

It was 2 days too late...
Just 2 days.

So much comes just a little too late...
The doctors finding the cancer...
The insurance company agreeing to send her to an oncologist who gave two shits about her care...
My mother and I reaching a point where we could respect each other despite the fact that we had always understood each other...
The Marzipan ice cream release in Georgia...

Happy Birthday Mom.
I love you.
I miss you.
You gotta get the hook up with the Mission to Marzipan Ice Cream. It is amazingly good. Hit up some Coffee Heath Bar Crunch while you are at it. That's right up your alley too.


Everyone else,
Take a moment
Breathe.
Get yourself a little treat.
Look to the people you love and tell them so.
Take the time for these things while you can.
These chances pass.
Take them before it is too late.
Even if it is only 2 days too late.
kittenspeaks: (Reject Reality)
I had thought about writing about how much 2000-2009 really really sucked. I mean death of family and loved ones, illness and surgery, betrayal and heartbreak, violations and lack of trust, struggle and strife....yeah. There were many people and things that may have had good moments but all told they brought more bad and pain than good and happiness.
I don't really want to drudge all that up again. Much like the nightly news there is to much bad reported. I want to think about the good. So, the things I have had which brought more good and happy:

The highlights of The 20'Aughts-

1) Meeting Katinsky, Aileen, Carter, Evita and the rest of the Sensurround crew. These are the people I now consider my family and closest friends. So much of the other good for these years has been with/ for/ and because of them.
1a) Barker Project
1b) Geek Love (in ATL and Fringe Fest) 
    Sure, these things had their ups and downs but all in all they were experiences where I stretched and grew as an actress and worked with people who ( I trust and would share the boards with again and again. (And yes, this is even if I don't want to share anything other than The Boards with them.)
1c) Karaoke- Singing in public was my last great performance anxiety. If it weren't for the support, encouragement and friendly jabs I never could have done this. Now, I even feel ok with auditioning for shows with musical aspects.

2) Spring 4th. Thanks to Elvis, Rik, Chris and The Psytrance kids for this. I found a home there. I miss it a great deal. I really enjoyed my time at the door and in my "fishbowl" slinging the booze. It was a wonderful way to come out from under my rock, get my groove on a bit and also it gave a bit to my caretaker side in playing physical and emotional nursemaid to friends and strangers. 

3) Livejournal. Yep, I actually started this in 2000. And yes, there has been various drama and stress. But it has also lead me to many wonderful people. And it is cheaper than therapy.

4) Nomenclature- Ok, this really started with my time on the doors at 688 and on the Stage at Club Fetish and The Chamber. But, working with Kook and Foster at Nomenclature let me take a more active role in the over all process and I loved it. It also let me meet people like Jolie, Calico, Emily and others who have been (and continue to be) important and cherished parts of my life.

5) Trips to NOLA with Foster. I can't even begin to talk about all the fun I had there. NOLA had previously been a tainted city thanks to ventures in poor relationships. But, going there with a friend to see other friends and work various events- that was more than wonderful.

6) Voltaire- The man, The market. I truly enjoy working for Voltaire. He is a wonderful person, a talented artist and I have met some wonderful people because of it. Again for this I have to put Jayme, Joanne, Beverly, Travis, Randy and Audrey into my list of favorite people. I never would have met any of them if it weren't for Voltaire and my life would be less without them.

7) Meeting The Oracle, Bones and Melissa. (It's almost funny that The Oracle is really my only friend in Chicago now.) I owe much to them (and Melissa) for taking care of my fur-kids when I sojourn back to the south.  Extra special love for The Oracle and Melissa for stepping in on short notice to take care of them when Mom died.  The Oracle has been there for me in many nights/ early morning of talking over breakfast or tea. And of course I couldn't have a better crowd here for silly dancing at 80's nights.

8) ARTC and MRAP. What fun!! And what wonderful people to work with. It brought me a new skill set as well as a diverse group of people who are all warm, talented, fun, creative and delightful. Almost from the moment I walked in to Chez WilbanksRich I felt wanted and accepted. I did several delightful shows with them. All in all, it represents work and people that I am proud to have in my life.

9) Romeo and Juliet. Yeah, it was a short run and I have done better shows. But playing Benvolio was great fun. I met "The Crush". I had a really fun time. And it was the kicker that got me out of the "sacrifice" of my marriage (where I gave up everything I wanted so I could help others with their goals) and back to doing stuff that was for me. And breaking my foot just made for a funny story of all of it.

10) Matt, Lynette, Karen, Monique and Mykie. United Airlines hasn't brought me much in the way of happiness or "good". But, it did bring these people into my life. I know for a fact I could not have made it through the last year without them. They have listened to me rant and rave. They have hugged me while I cried. They have indulged my work madness an even laughed at it from time to time.

So, there you have it. All the good from 00-09. It isn't much when I think of the list of bad. But, it is enough. It has kept me going. People, places and shows which have nourished my heart and spirit. And that is the most important part of life.

Moving forward? Well, I don't really have any resolutions for 2010. I decided the over all "better my person and life" are something I need to work harder on all of the time and there is no end result. It isn't a pass/fail. It is an ongoing effort.  Well, I suppose there is a "fail" which comes if I stop trying.
I do, however, have some measured goals I would like to complete in 2010.
1) Read (at least) 25 new books.  I know I should aim for more but I am hoping to be busy with other things.

2) Go on (at least) 12 auditions. Again, I know I should do more. But I am hoping to get cast in several shows so it will impair my ability to audition.
3) Perform in (at least) 4 shows and/or 6 film/ commercial shoots.

4) Watch 52 new movies (1 a week) . With Netflix, the ability to download stuff and theaters this one should be a cinch. Since this is part of what I want as a career I need to put in the hours to study the form more.

5) Watch 12 live shows. (1 a month) See above reasons. And it is better than wasting time in front of the T.V.

6) Travel more. As long as I am stuck working for United I need to take advantage of my flight benefits. I have a passport. I need to use it. I also have so many place in the US I need to see.  There is definitely a trip needed to Buffalo to see Moo. Where else can I go? Anyone out there have a couch which would suit a traveling Kitten for a night or two? (Sadly, as long as I a working for United there is no way I can afford hotels or even hostels.) But I want to get out more and see more people.

7) Go to museums at least 12 times. Different museums. Different adventures. There are enough free/ discounted things here in Chicago that I just need to get out and to it. I also really want to go to the Tim Burton Exhibit at the MoMA and spend more time there. (The trip there with Joanne was shorter than I wanted since I was feeling so poorly.)

8) Go to at least 12 new restaurants.  Ok, going out to eat once a month is a huge splurge. I'll have to work hard on the budget for this. But, I need to be more adventurous. I need to get out and explore more. And, I need to eat.

9) Take at least one class. More than likely this will be in some kind of theater training. But, it can be anything. If I can find a free class for something all the better. All the more need to expand and grow. If I can do more I will. I suspect it depends largely on money.

10) ???  I need a 10th goal. Something that is easily quantified. Preferably something that will be free.  Suggestions?
kittenspeaks: (Piggy)
I woke this morning to find that Dharma- my sweet little Black Bear Hamster- passed away last night. :-(
She was the sweetest baby. She liked taking treats from my mouth and curling up on my neck under my hair. I loved the way she stuffed treats into her cheeks.
She was a housewarming/ Christmas gift from [livejournal.com profile] project_mayhem_ when I moved here. She grew from being a sickly little thing about the size of a walnut (with a fat butt) into a friendly super cuddly hamster who actually weighed about a half a pound. She'd climb up on my shoulder and we'd walk around the house. Sometimes I'd put her into the bed and she'd curl up at my chin or under my hair. She also liked getting into her ball and chasing the cats around the house.

Burying her in the frozen ground was not really the best way to start the day.


kittenspeaks: (Stain Boy)
Kurt Vonnegut died at the age of 84. He was taken by brain injuries from a fall in his home last week.
I remember when I read Slaughter House Five I was moved by the smallest thing....it was an illustration of a tombstone which read "Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt."
I wanted that so very very much.
I knew this was not permission to die.
I knew it was satire.
I knew it was telling me that life was sometimes going to hurt and be ugly and that we had to bear through.
I was 10.
Billy Pilgrim was my second fictional crush. (The first was Ethan Frome.)

I'll miss ya Kurt.
I thought there were more words in there to be shared.
You told us otherwise.
You always did know best.

It's snowing here today.
Cold sleeting ugly snow.
Somehow that is fitting.

Profile

kittenspeaks: (Default)
kittenspeaks

April 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
91011 12131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 23rd, 2017 08:42 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios